Getting divorced can force you to face some unfortunate and harsh truths about your marriage. It’s a simple fact of life that no good marriage ever ends in divorce. They go on indefinitely. A bad marriage surrounded by resentment, bitterness, anger, and regret almost always leads to divorce. Even if you are not the one who wants a divorce, it’s going to happen anyway. You may want to prioritize your kids’ well-being with the help of a Metro East divorce lawyer.

It’s not uncommon to feel betrayed, confused, and resentful in a divorce, especially if you are the one who was served the papers. Moving forward, you may want to shift your priorities away from navigating a potentially contentious divorce and focus more on creating a new, healthy home environment for your kids. They are going to be confused and angry, too, but they may not have the same emotional maturity to handle it like you. They will need your help during all this.

Getting Divorced When You Have Kids

A divorce can be complicated and painful enough without involving kids. Having kids involved in your divorce just makes the entire process far more difficult to endure. Your kids may not have picked up on your marital problems, though they may have noticed a change in the dynamic at home. Once your kids learn about the divorce, they may start to resent the parent who filed. You need to do what you can to protect your kids from such feelings.

Nobody gets married with the intent of one day getting divorced. Marriage is intended to be a life-long commitment. When that doesn’t happen, it changes things on a fundamental level. Everyone has their own reasons for pursuing a divorce. Only you can draw your own boundaries and decide to act if your spouse crosses them.

It’s reasonable to want to shield your kids from those issues, but your kids will be affected by them and should be given the chance to absorb the information. Your kids will find out eventually.

Your kids may endure significant life changes because of the divorce, such as changing schools, seeing their friends less, and living with one parent more than the other. You need to prepare your kids for these changes by sitting them down and being as honest as you can about the divorce, its causes, and the expected aftermath. Above all, they will need positive reassurance that you are there for them no matter what.

According to information collected by the CDC, Illinois has one of the lowest divorce rates in the entire country at 1.1 per 1,000 residents as of 2022. However, the marriage rate is pretty high, according to the Illinois Department of Public Health (IDPH), with over 52% of polled individuals saying they were married as of 2022.
It’s not uncommon to struggle with your divorce, but it’s important to remember that you have options for support. A local support group, such as DivorceCare, may be able to help you heal and move forward.

What Can You Do for Your Kids?

Throughout your divorce, you may be wondering what you can do to make the transition better for your kids. It’s easy to slip into inadvertent neglect after a divorce. After all, your mind may be elsewhere. Don’t spend so much time hating your ex or feeling sorry for yourself that you fail to be the parent they need. Your kids need help grieving your marriage, just like you. Here are some ways that you can stay connected:

  • Above all, you should try your hardest to keep your kids out of the conflict between you and your ex. Depending on how the divorce was settled, there may still be a great deal of resentment between you two. Don’t let that come out during drop-offs. You don’t want your ex to try and claim parental alienation. If they try to badmouth you to your kids, let them dig their own hole. Be the bigger person and be there for your kids.
  • Your primary focus should be strengthening the bond between you and your kids that is built on mutual respect, openness, and trust. If you are careful, that bond never breaks in the first place, and you can simply continue being a good parent. Divorce can be hard on everyone involved, and your kids may need additional effort from you.

FAQs

Q: What Is the Most Effective Custody Arrangement?

A: There is no telling what the most effective custody arrangement is. Everyone’s custody needs are different. What may work great for one set of co-parents may not work for another. In most cases, the court will advocate for joint custody. This ensures both parents receive an equal share of the responsibility for raising their children.

Q: How Soon After My Divorce Should I Start Dating?

A: That’s something you will need to decide for yourself. Everyone moves on from their divorce at their own pace. What takes you weeks or months might take years for someone else. Some people may never pursue another relationship at all. If you feel you are ready, start dating. However, you should always keep your children in mind. You don’t want them to think you are trying to replace their other parent.

Q: Can Mediation Be Helpful in My Divorce?

A: Yes, mediation can be significantly helpful in your divorce, depending on your situation. If your divorce is contentious and your spouse has no interest in negotiating, it may be helpful to sit down with a mediator and try to talk things out. You may not get anywhere if your spouse wishes to be spiteful, but it could also result in calmer behavior and easier negotiations. You won’t know until you give it a chance.

Q: Could I Lose Custody of My Children?

A: There aren’t many situations that could lead to a complete loss of custody of your kids. However, if your spouse has evidence of your neglect as a parent or the court feels you can’t create a stable home environment, you may not be granted custody. As long as you have no evidence of abuse or neglect and you can afford to provide a stable home for your children, there’s no reason why you should lose custody.

Contact Us Today

At Stange Law Firm, we can help you settle your divorce. Contact us to speak to someone on our team about your case.